


i see your true colours

by last_holistic_renegade



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: 4+1 Things, Black and white soulmates, Cinderella Style, M/M, Soulmates AU, highschool!au
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-19
Updated: 2019-12-19
Packaged: 2021-02-26 01:21:14
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 12,634
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21855172
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/last_holistic_renegade/pseuds/last_holistic_renegade
Summary: Logan Williams isn’t one to toy around with the idea of love. He founds it a cruel joke of destiny, to subjugate someone to a black and white world until they find that ‘special somebody’.Roman Sanders is quite the opposite. He dreams with the day he finds his valiant prince, and just when he thinks he’s found him, he slips away like water through his fingers.What happens when your perfect match doesn’t sound so perfect after all?OrThe 4 times in which Roman couldn’t find his soulmate.(and the 1 time he did)tw: vomit. mentions of food.
Relationships: Creativity | Roman "Princey" Sanders/Logic | Logan Sanders
Comments: 25
Kudos: 85
Collections: Sanders Sides Secret Santa 2019





	i see your true colours

**1.**

  
  


Logan has always been surprised by the human natural desire to suffer. No matter how much time we’ve spent looking for ways to extend our life and avoid early death, we still manage to find alternatives to  guarantee our pain.  Little actions that push us closer to moments of despair than those of actual happiness. And according to his investigation, there’s a certain time of our life where this want for risk and failure seems to increase by good measure.

Teenage years.

Highschool might as well be the worst and best time of anyone’s life. It’s the pinnacle of health, the time where responsibilities escape us – and coincidentally, the moment where we tend to make the most stupid, painful decisions. 

Like a mask-themed Halloween Party. In a world where one could find their soulmate at any moment, where a simple glance could turn your achromatic world into a full palette of colours, it is rather stupid making it harder to recognise who that person is. 

But perhaps that’s the point of it. As Dylan liked to say, mystery and tragedy have always been intrinsically connected with the youth.  He could recite to Logan countless stories where star-crossed lovers had to endure terrible destinies to be with their significant other. And to this day, the narrative didn’t seemed to change.  The romantic idea of finding your life-long partner in a seemingly impossible maze of people, the exciting act of having to figure out who, in a packed crowd, could be the one that swept you off your feet, it was impossible to resist. His best friend would agree that pain was  a bothersome part of everyone’s adolescence, but in his own words,  _ ‘Where would the fun be without it?’ _ .

Logan disagree s entirely. This party seem s like a frivolous idea from the mind of a girl who fantasized with finding his shining knight in armour in one night. But of course, they ha ve to attend.  Because if there is something Dylan likes is eccentricities, and there’s nothing more eccentric…

“… than a masks party,” he said for the fourth time in his attempt to convince him. “Just picture it, the elegant costumes we’ll use, the high-quality mask, no one getting to know who we are...”

“For someone who enjoys so much the idea of a good attire I still can’t comprehend why you want us to go as princes,” Logan interrupted, giving a bite to the disgusting tuna sandwich the cafeteria offered. As always, his nose wrinkles with the taste. “It’s quite a common choice.”

He’ d marvel led at the fact that his already broad smile can be wider.

“Indeed,” Dylan pointed out with a spark in his eyes. “In a multitude of princes, there are even less chances of anyone finding out who we are? Isn’t it enigmatic? Isn’t that mysterious? Doesn’t it seem-?”

“Like a waste of time?” Dylan’s expression fell at his comment. “I’m sorry, it’s just that the idea of dressing up as someone we are not isn’t an idea that fascinates me as much as it fascinates you. I don’t see the purpose in going somewhere where no one would know who I am with or without a mask.”

“But that’s the point!” his best friend continued. “All these people think they’re better than us. They rejoice every time they get to shove that in our faces. If they found out we have infiltrated their party and with complete success got in their private circles, they would be baffled!”

“Except they’ll never find out,” Logan retorted. “Because we’re not taking off our masks in all the night.”

“Even better.” Dylan reclined himself in his chair. “It’s like a Trojan horse, but nobody dies and we are the only one who know we succeed.”

“I’m not sure, Dee,” Logan looked down at the awful sandwich in his hands.

Dylan sighed.

“You know I hate to sound like this, but you could use a little bit of fun every once in a while, don’t you think?” he said before biting the apple he brought from home.

Logan sighed. “I know, it’s just that I don’t find myself comfortable with that outfit idea.” He stared at the table before him. “Or any outfit idea.”

“Please, Logan, it will be only one night,” his friend pleaded. “We’ll be the most mysterious princes no one will have the delight to know!”

“Alright,” Logan smirked, throwing some bits of bread into his friend’s plate. “But I will choose what Prince I’m going to impersonate.”

“Of course, dear friend,” Dylan returned the smile. “As you wish.”

And that’s how now he finds himself wrapped up in a ridiculous attire, with a mask that made his face itch, standing awkwardly in front of Li l lian Yenkins’ front door. Next to him, Dylan practically rubs his hands in anticipation. He’s dressed up in an entire  dark outfit, with  shiny ornaments hanging here and there, and with a mask that covered only half of his face, the part that showed his lighter skin, a birth mark Dee has loathed since he has memory. Logan rolled his eyes when he went to pick him up, seeing that he went as far as to cover his  irises with contact lenses that changed their colour. Instead of the usual dark shade, now they had the same brightness Logan saw in his own eyes each morning in the mirror.

“What? We have to match,” was everything he said in return.

Logan himself had made some changed to his otherwise normal fashion. He’d replaced the rectangular glasses for contact lenses, so they wouldn’t interfere with the mask. He was dressed in a fairly light costume, with splashes of darker tonalities the woman who sold it to him said would match perfectly with his eyes. And to Dylan’s request, and much to his own annoyance, he’d pulled his fringe back in a strange quiff that left his forehead free of obscure hair. 

The door opens before them, and instead of a happy Lillian encouraging them to pass, they are received with the chaotic sight of Remus Sanders. The football star grabs them both by the shoulders and gets them inside before enthusiastically closing the door.

Remus and Dylan have been friends for a long time, longer than Logan had known Dee. The jock is a strange presence to have around, but Logan likes the chaotic aura that surrounds him most of the time.  Dressed as an Egyptian pharaoh, he pushes the friends towards the multitude of people, and Logan takes his time to address the situation he got himself into. Everyone around him seem to be having fun. They dance to the incredibly loud music and chatter can be heard from every corner of the house. There are lights flickering around, but they don’t change anything. Not for him, at least.

Logan has always loathed the idea of soulmates. Ever since he was a kid, he’s watched all those sit-coms, read all those stories, heard all about marriages where people discovered  a world of colours once they met the love of their lives.  He’s been fascinated with the idea of seeing more than a variation of the same three different shades all his life. He wondered what would that green look like? What things were real purple and which were a dark tone of red? What was the difference between blue and yellow? But he never found an answer. Not a real one, one that he could _ prove _ .

Not until he met his soulmate.

And that was the trick, wasn’t it? You only get to enjoy life at it’s fullest once you found the right person. And what if Logan didn’t want to find them? Wasn’t he deserving of a full life? What if he couldn’t find them? Would he be punished with a colourless world? What if  _ they _ didn’t want to find him? Should he live the rest of his life with the eternal doubt in his mind?

Logan nervously twists the ring in his left hand, abstaining from  fixing his mask and ruining the effect. He sees Dylan  some feet away , completely lost in the magnetism that his presence causes in people. Remus is around him most of the time, presenting him to people without revealing his friend’s name  and endorsing Dee with the delight that is to see everyone interested on him. Logan knew that in spite of the countless times he’d tried to deny it, he loved to receive people’s attention.

He watched a few more minutes, as Dylan faked nonchalance but still preened in the compliments a different group of girls gave him, before deciding to look for something to drink. The table where such beverages could be found was full of bottles that Logan recognised but had no idea of their content’s taste. The furthest he could go was that it was all alcohol. He navigates through the lot, finally deciding in a well known beer, when he feels someone tapping his shoulder.

“Hello, mysterious citizen.”

The guy bows in front of him, and then he raises his head to flash a charming smile. Logan barely pays attention to it, because as soon as he speaks he has a sadly accurate idea of who he’s talking to.

Roman Sanders.

Roman is Remus’ twin brother.  They are on the same year as Logan, but different class.  A lthough he’s never directly talked to him,  Logan has shared some scarce time with him from the times Remus and him shared quality time with Dylan, and all he got from it was a subtle headache. Roman was a loud attention-seeker. He couldn’t stand not being seen for one minute, always doing something to show himself off. It was different from Dee. Dylan liked having people around  that reminded him his importance. Roman, however, pulled people towards him without caring for their opinions because he needed to be reminded of his importance. He was annoying, arrogant, and selfish. Definitely not the type of person Logan liked to share his time with.

At the obvious disinterest from Logan’s part, Roman stood up from his inclined pose and tried to restart the inexistent conversation.

“I couldn’t help but notice that you’re dressed as a prince,” he notices.

“A king, actually,” Logan comments back, only throwing short glances at him. “Edward the Third. He was the one that is presumed for having hidden the twin princes from their coronation in England.”

He decides to change the beer for a bottle with a brand he recognises. That’s what his parents drink at home for dinner, it couldn’t be that bad right? Although it does confuse him the tone of it, because he doesn’t remember a shade of black that strange. Perhaps is the effect of the lights on the glass.

Roman rises his eyebrows, and as a point in his favour he does look a little impressed.

“That is… such a great idea. And does the portrayer of the costume have a name?”

“Not one that you’d know of.” He gives the bottle a swing. A little sweet, but he can take it. “Just a nobody from the other class.”

“I see,” Roman nods as Logan drinks again. He grin never leaves his face, not even as he leans on the table and crosses his arms over his chest. “Then King Edward will do, huh?”

“I see you came as a prince as well,” he comments, avidly avoiding his question. He is dressed in a completely light outfit, which Logan thinks might be white. He has shiny decorations like Dee, but he also added a sash crossing his chest in a vibrant dark shade he couldn’t identify.

Roman looks down at his attire, almost as if he had forgotten he’d had it.

“Oh, yeah. But well, it isn’t nearly as interesting as yours,” he smiles again.

Is he…? Is Roman trying to flirt with him?

A scoff escapes Logan’s lips. He tries not to say it, he truly does, but the comment leaves his mouth before he can stop it.

“Another commoner, I see.”

“Oh, but not any commoner,” he says with a sweet tone that makes Logan’s insides turn in disgust. “Roman Prince for you today, your highness.”

He bows again, taking Logan’s hand with his in a reverence. And when he lifts his gaze to fix it in Logan’s eyes, that’s when he sees.

There’s colour in his irises.

At first Logan doesn’t notice. But when the lights hit them just right, he knows that’s not a shade that he’s seen before. And when he focuses on the sash, he knows that’s not black, but something purer, angrier. And the liquid of the bottle that falls to the floor with a loud crash is not an effect of the lights anymore.

Roman has paled considerably as he starts to rise up.

“Have- have you seen that too?” He says, and Logan isn’t sure how he manages to hear him over the music anymore because panic is the only thing filling his head. 

_ No, not him, it could’ve been anyone but him. _

“Your eyes...” Roman says. “They-”

“I-I have to go.”

Logan tugs his hand, freeing it from Roman’s grip, and quickly mixes with the crowd. He fights to catch his breath as he elbows witches, angels and basketball players. He whispers his apologies to black cats,  fire fighters and police officers. He tries not to cry in front of superheroes, vampires and ghosts because of all the people in the world it had to be someone like  _ him _ .

When he’s on the street, he finally lets himself fall down, catch some air as he leans all his weight on his knee s because  _ This. Can’t. Be. Happening. _ Logan hears the  _ ping _ of his phone in his pocket. Upon taking it out he sees Dylan’s name in the notification bar.

**Dylan [22:08]:** Logan? Where are you? Remus said he saw you go outside, is everything alright?

Logan types as quickly as he can, still unable to believe the words he’s writing are true.

**Logan [22:08]:** Dee I found my soulmate.

There’s a few seconds of radio silence after the blue ticks. Then a bubble with three dots.

**Dylan [22:08]:** Go home. See you on Monday.

Logan thanks out loud, even if he knows he can’t hear him. He proceeds to write said gratitude down, and just as he presses send, he looks at his hand.

In the middle of the night, the night where he met the presumed love of his life, Logan curses to the sky.

Inside Lillian’s house, Roman Sanders still looks baffled. He searches through the people, trying to catch the sight of those wonderful eyes, in a bright shade he’d never discovered before. His search is unsuccessful. They are gone.

But not for so long.

He lowers his glance, and the small object in his palm brings a smile to his face.

The strangely coloured ring feels warm when Roman closes his hand around it.

  
  


* * *

  
  


** 2. **

  
  


“So let me see if I get this,” Dylan says bringing a golden hand to pinch the bridge of his nose.

Logan rolls his eyes. He’s repeated the story three times already.

“Go ahead.”

“He comes to you.”

“Uh-hm.”

“And talks.”

“Naturally.”

“And you… just began to see colours?”

“He also took my hand.”

“And he also took your hand?” Dylan repeats considerably higher. “Wait…”

He seems to  assess the situation before he speaks again.

“So let me see if I get this.”

“I swear if you make me repeat this one more time I won’t hesitate to throw you of the bench.”

“Apologies,” Dee muses.

They went to the field, just  as the football players  began training with the excuse of seeing Remus. They sat on the top benches, and Logan retold all the events to his slightly dramatic friend. Not only he didn’t believe him at first, but he’s made him repeat it all over and over again. Logan began to consider claiming it an incident and pushing him over, but his common sense refrained him from it.

“So now you see colours.” Dylan’s eyes are fixed on the field, his gloved fingers tapping his black trousers.

That has been difficult. It required him to take lessons from his parents about which colour was which, to distinguish some shades that were sort of similar as combinations of other tones. Luckily he was a good student, it didn’t take more than two days to learn them all. Logan was thankful for Dee’s decision of leaving him by himself for the weekend so he could sort that out before diving into this mess. 

“Yes, it’s the only positive side of this situation,” he chuckles. “I wish I could share that new information with you.”

Dylan and Logan formed a friendship based entirely in discoverings. Them discovering the new school at the same time was their first, Dylan’s aromanticism and Logan’s  homosexuality was their second. The rest of the world was just a chain of new facts and procedures that the two of them have shared as they figured them out. 

And colours… that had been  _the_ discovering. Now that he knows what they are like, Logan feels like up until now he has lived in a rush of numbness that came to an abrupt end when he saw the amber of Roman’s eyes. He has awaken, and everything was much more enticing, much more interesting now that they shone in a new light. The  pure green of the grass, the magic orange of the fallen leaves, the fantastic blue of the water. And the iridescence of the sky when the sun was about to set.

He’d love to share that with Dylan.

Who, as Logan got lost in thought, fell in a suspicious silence.

Logan eyes him with squinted eyes. Dylan purses his lips and keeps looking away. Logan stares harder at him, tilting his head ever so lightly so he could…

“Alright,” Dee breaks, sighing heavily and looking away. “I might have been able to see them before.”

“But how?” Logan asks. “Weren’t you-?”

“Yes. Yes, I didn’t lie about that.” Dylan glanced at Logan through the rim of his eye. “I’m in a queerplatonic relationship.”

Dylan Moore was one of the most secretive people one could ever find. Only a few knew his real motives, most of what he did had a hidden agenda that not even his closest friends knew about. And Logan knew that was a way to of self-preservation.

For Dylan, lying became second nature the moment he’d been chastised for saying the truth. He had some history with a certain guardian after his parents died, one he wasn’t keen to repeat with anybody. It was best to keep things close to his chest so no one could hurt him with any fact he considered remotely important. Logan had a hard time breaking through the rough skin that protected Dee’s real self  at the beginning . So kn ows it’s reasonable for him to get this protective over  a topic as serious as his soulmate.

“And who are they?” he asks, letting his tone show how little problem he had with the revelation.

Dylan allows himself to look at Logan before letting a nonchalant smile pull at his lips.

“Remus.”

“Oh.”

“I know,” he chuckles.

“Well that explains lots of things,” Logan laughs as well.

“And now his brother’s into you!” Dylan continues to joke. “I do love a happy ending.”

The thing with Dylan’s voice is that if you weren’t his friend, he always sound ed suspicious.  He made you feel like you had to walk on eggshells. But if you were his friend, he had the way to make his voice always sound sarcastic, which wasn’t of any help either.

“I don’t know what I’m going to do about that,” he murmured. “I guess I’ll have to think about it.”

“Well, perhaps you won’t have that much time to decide,” Dylan mused looking at his gloves.

Logan arched his eyebrow. “What do you even mean now?”

“That perhaps, my friend, life will come to tap your shoulder sooner than you expect.”

“Wha-?”

He felt a finger insistently touch his shoulder. As he turned around, a little annoyed at the gesture, he felt all the blood flood out of his system.

The pair of amber irises he’d dreaded for an entire weekend was now looking down at him.

“You’re Logan Williams, right?” Roman Sanders asks, as he joins his hands and eyes them both with uncertainty.

“Hey, Remus just finished practise,” Dylan says. He stands up ceremoniously as he mumbles an excuse. “I’m gonna go see if he needs the- uhm, bye.”

And just as quickly as the wind, the last protection of Logan’s biggest embarrassment in his life disappears. Logan looks at Roman. His skin looks like golden under the sun. ‘Tan’, as he’s learned. That is different from the rather pale tones Logan has seen until now.

“I’m sorry for interrupting you and your friend, but uhm,” he hesitates before taking a seat next to Logan. “I need your help.”

Logan doesn’t do as much as keep an eyebrow perfectly curved on his forehead. Roman’s speech seems to falter.

“You _do_ know who I am, right?” he asks shyly.

_Why should I?_ is the first question to come to his mind, but that would lead to him explaining who he is. Logan decides that perhaps playing dumb would work fine this time if he was insistent.

“No. What do you want?”

Roman moves back a little in surprise by the harsh tone. Good. That will teach him.

“Uh, I’m Roman Sanders. A part of the theatre club?”

“Aren’t you the annoying kid who always gets the lead role at school productions?”

Perhaps if he hurts his ego he’d decide Logan wasn’t the one for him and turn around. But Roman only presses his lips harder and crosses his arms like he’d done in the party.

“Sorry, I don’t remember coming here to be attacked.”

“Then why _did_ you come here?” Logan fires back, and that seems to put Roman back in his place. He uncrosses his arms and Logan feels victorious as he fumbles for an answer.

“I met my soulmate the other day.”

Logan feels his heart beating harder in his chest, metaphorically stabbing him with every pulse.

“He didn’t tell me his name,” Roman continues, each word bringing Logan closer and closer to a heart attack. “But they did say they were from the other class. _Your_ class.”

Logan hopes the lack of air he was experiencing was normal, otherwise he might as well be about to faint.

“So naturally I couldn’t find him by name. But he did forget this.”

He twirls the rusty ring in between his fingers and Logan feels like the last gulp of air just abandoned his body.

“My father said this is a family ring,” he continues, looking up at Logan now. “So it makes sense that it has something to do with his name.”

Yes, his own father wasn’t been very happy when he discovered he lost it. That ring has been in the Williams family for two generations, Logan only receiving it on summer of that year. He has had to endure the lecture of his life for that.

“Which means that I had a clue. The first letter of his surname.”

Roman raises his hand, showing the ring to Logan but he doesn’t have to look down. He knows exactly what he’s gonna find. The initial of his own surname, the lead that brought Roman to him, the letter…

“It’s an M.”

Upside down. The moron is holding the ring upside down. Logan doesn’t know if he should facepalm himself because his soulmate is an idiot or if he should dance right then and there.

“Sorry, what is that you want?” he says instead, because the other two options would be highly inappropriate. He tries not to notice how short of breath he sounds.

“I need a Sherlock.” Roman says with conviction. “Someone who will help me find this guy. Remus told me you’re the most intelligent guys of your class, and you know who your partners are. I wanted to ask you, well, if you could help me find him?”

Logan stares at him. His soulmate, whom he has left many clues to figure out his identity, who has a brother who actually knows Logan and knows that ring belongs to him, was asking him to find the guy he had in front of him.

Wait, Remus possibly knew he was the mysterious king. And he still sent Roman with him.

He has to admit it, the guy knew ho w to  sow chaos. 

“You want me to help you,” he makes a pause, making sure he’s saying the right selection of words. This couldn’t be happening… “to find your soulmate?”

“Listen, I know you don’t know me,” Roman insisted, grabbing Logan’s arm like a lifeline. “But please. I’m desperate. I will pay you if you-”

“Uh no, don’t worry. There’s no need for such measures.” He removes his arm from Roman’s grip. This was becoming a routine Logan had no intention on keeping.

“But will you do it?” he implores hopeful.

Would he do it? Would Logan submit himself to the Sisyphean nightmare that was guiding Roman to him in his unfortunate search for his soulmate? He would be so disappointed once he discovered the truth. All that bother just to find someone like  _him_ at the end…

Unless…

“Yes,” he answers.

“Really?” Roman grins, and it does look a lot like the Cheshire Cat’s wicked smile.

“Of course,” Logan answers with an equal gesture. “I’d be happy to help.”

He didn’t  _need_ to guide Roman towards him. He could always swerve the way a little, just enough so that Roman always found another person to fall in love with. Someone who could get up with his arrogant ways and annoying attitude. And who knows? Perhaps Logan would finally be left alone.

“Oh man, thank you, you’ve got no idea how much that means to me.” Logan makes a move as to grab the ring, to finally have it back. But Roman removes his hand quickly, putting it safely in his pocket before clapping Logan’s back. “I’ll send you the details later.”

Logan feels a sour taste in his mouth as he sees him go. He only hopes this  i sn’t a bad decision…

  
  


They meet  in the library regularly, each Wednesday and Friday after Roman’s theatre class and before Logan’s debate club meetings. For weeks, they meet to gather information, where Roman would speak about the mysterious guy from the party and Logan would write pages worth of notes. All in the sake of research, of course. Definitely not to pay attention to every detail that could give him away before deciding to proceed.

Dylan was so excited to see the outcome. Initially he told Logan that all his attempts of keeping him at bay would hit him in the face later, but after Logan denied his idea of faking his own death and moving to Ecuador, he finally settled with helping him create a list of potential guys that could be of Roman’s interest – always within the facts they already had. And those were…

“He had the bluest eyes you would ever see...” Roman told him once, causing Logan to stop his pen from writing for a full second. “Kinda like yours, but a little different.”

“...his voice was strange, you know?” Roman said as he passed the bag of chips he brought towards Logan. “Like, I wanted to listen to him for hours but gosh, he could have talked louder!”

“… I know it’s kinda late, but I’ve been thinking about it and I’m pretty sure his hair was black,” Roman added once they were outside, passing an arm behind Logan’s shoulders and guiding him to the parking lot. “”Or maybe it was like, really brown? It could be, with the lights...”

“Oh, oh, oh! I know!” he said once, as they were both lying on the grass outside the library, looking at the clouds. “He also has a great sense of humour.”

“Didn’t you say he insulted you?” Logan asked back. He turned his head to see Roman’s dreamy expression looking up at the sky.

“Yeah, but it was sort of hilarious, the way in which he said it.” His face changed, eyebrows falling quickly into a frown. “That is normal… right?”

“Whatever you say, Roman,” Logan laughed, looking back at the sky.

After so many hours together, he can say he knows Roman Sanders a little better, and much to his own annoyance, he does seem like a good guy. Apparently his initial image had been a bit misguided.  Logan does find Roman a tad annoying sometimes, but he might not be  the jerk he thought he was.

The idea of spending the rest of his life with him still made Logan want to vomit, but at least he didn’t want to break the guy’s heart.

Once he gathered enough data to start with his plan, he asked Roman to meet him. He told him to go to the lowest bench on the next football match. It seemed natural, since Roman would be there to support his brother and Logan had to go as Dee’s company, and it was a place where no one would hear what they were talking about. A complete success.

When he saw the red bomber jacket approaching, Logan moved his coat from the seat beside him. Roman sat down immediately, and rubbed his hands with enthusiasm as he asked for the updates.

“I gathered a total of thirteen guys who’s last name begins with the letter you indicated,” Logan supplies, his eyes not leaving the football field. 

“W-what?” Roman’s smile falters. “Thirteen? Those are-”

Logan hits him in the head with a small styrofoam finger.

“Ouch?”

“Let me finish before interrupting.” Logan ignores the young actor’s snicker. “As I said, thirteen guys have surnames beginning with M. However, only a fraction of them have blue eyes-” 

“Wait, you can see colours?”

“-and,” he continues, trying to keep that question away with a metaphorical ten feet pole, “only some are shorter than you and even less have rather dark hair.”

_And specially, they were the only ones I c_ _ould_ _see you actually liking in the end._

“So?” Roman presses

Logan rolls his eyes at his impatience.

“So, I’ve narrowed it down.” He passes him a piece of paper from the pocket of his blue navy coat. He found that that was one of his favourite colours. “Between these three you will find your lucky guy, Roman.”

The other stares at the paper like he is looking at gold. 

“Wow. Thanks Logan, I-”

“Not only that,” he continues. “But the first one is sitting over there, and I might have pulled a few strings so there was a free seat next to him.”

The celebration from the last goal ends, and when the people sit down Roman is able to see where Logan’s head nodded.

“No way,” he breaths, alternating a wide look between the paper in his hand and the boy some seats below. “Charley Mason?”

Logan can’t help the smirk. Charley is an attractive guy, he has to admit. His eyes are bluer than Logan’s, almost the colour of a sapphire stone. His hair curled neatly on top of his head, looking like waves of chocolate that moved every time he laughed. He knew Roman would like him.

“Well,” Roman said while standing up and fixing his jacket, “wish me luck, Williams.”

“I won’t do such thing,” he smiles.

“No, of course you won’t,” Roman rolls his eyes.

Logan sees him walk down to Charley, greeting him halfway shyly halfway enthusiastically as he takes the seat beside him. It doesn’t take long until their attention is diverted from the game. They chat  for a long time, a few charming smiles and endearing glances flooding between them.

It should be weird, having to watch your soulmate slowly fall in love with someone else, someone you set them with, and not feel any ounce of remorse. Logan knows he should feel, by love’s logic, a little bit jealous. At the very least sad, that he didn’t get to enjoy those endearments by the person that was supposed to be meant for him. But instead he felt happy for Roman, knowing that he’d find happiness this way. That and a slight bitter taste in his mouth at the thought that even his soulmate was happier off without him.

Remus makes another goal, the people standing up in celebration and drowning Logan in the  turmoil of their voices. When they sit back down, however, Roman is no longer sitting with Charley. Logan lifts his head, trying to spot the vibrant read jacket, when he hears someone  forcefully sitting down in the seat next to him.

“Oh my God, Roman,” he says. The other laughs as Logan fixes his clothes to tidy the mess that the jumpscare Roman gave him produced. “Why did you do that?”

“I don’t know, because it was fun?” he giggles.

“I hardly agree,” he murmurs, only to give space to more laughter. Upon recovering his last train of thought, Logan frowns. “Wait, why are you here?” 

“Why, don’t you enjoy my company, Teach?” Roman teases, leaning into Logan’s personal space a little, if only to make the joke more effective.

“Aside from the obvious fact, I was wondering why you left Charley alone.”

The laughter subsided in Roman’s lips. His expression grew more serious, and his eyes returned to the field where his brother commanded the other player.

“It wasn’t him.”

Logan frowns. Of course it wasn’t him, he knew that. But…

“But didn’t you like him?”

Roman snorts. “Of course I did.”

“Then… why didn’t you keep talking to him?”

_Why didn’t you ask him out? Why didn’t you fall in love with him? Why didn’t you forget about me?_

The calm in his expression  as he shrugs  only makes the dread for the answer worse.

“He didn’t see colours, Logan.”

He blinks, astonished.

“And? Is that something you do take into account? Because it does seem a little-”

“Stop your horses, nerd,” Roman nudges his shoulder as Logan snaps his mouth shut. “It’s not about that.”

“Then what is it about?” he asks, the sudden silences irritating his patience.

“You can’t just sit and enjoy the game, right?” Roman shook his head, a sweet smile pulling from the corners of his mouth. “If he hasn’t seen colours, it means he hasn’t met his soulmate yet. I don’t wanna rob him from that experience.”

The  refer ee on the field blows his whistle. Someone in the crowd boos at him for bad couching decisions. There’s a red card held in the air and a player from the other team that throws his helmet to the synthetic grass. Logan keeps staring at Roman as he takes a deep breath.

“It was amazing, seeing it for the first time,” he confesses. His voice lowers gradually, but his confidence doesn’t waver as he gives a quick glance at his hands. “His eyes were the first thing I saw. I didn’t know how blue they were the first time. I hardly knew any colour, but after I came home and compared it to thousands of shades, that is still my favourite.”

Logan has no words. The only thing crossing his mind was how disappointed Roman would be if he knew he’s been seeing those same eyes for the last weeks without causing the same reaction.

“If I close my eyes,” Roman says, letting his eyelids fall as he speaks, “I can still see them.”

The knot gr o w s wider and wider in Logan’s throat.

“I’m sorry Charley wasn’t the one.”

Roman open s  his eyes and smile s again, any  sentimentalism gone without a trace.

“Don’t worry, Specs,” he palms Logan’s back, almost sending him flying forwards. “I’m sure we’ll find the real one.”

Logan half smiles at him before starting to gather his things. Roman stops him with a frown.

“What do you think you’re doing?” He’s looking at Logan like he just decided to put mustard on his shoe.

“Preparing to leave?” he says innocently.

Roman begins to shake his head at the same time he takes Logan’s stuff out of his hands.

“No sir, we’re here to support my brother, and we’re doing it to the end.” He puts the coat around Logan’s shoulders, but leaves the sleeves hanging uselessly behind. “I’m not gonna lie, I did consider you had an allergy for sports, but please, Logan don’t confirm it for me. I want it to keep being a fantasy.”

Logan looks incredulous as Roman takes Logan’s scarf and puts it around his own neck. He did feel confident, huh?

“I think Dylan is waiting for me,” he adds, to give him a last chance to leave.

“He’s going home afterwards for celebratory dinner.” Roman pays a guy in exchange for a popcorn bag and deposits it in Logan’s lap after grabbing a handful. “You can meet him there.”

“Do you plan celebratory dinners before knowing if you won?” Logan lifts a dubious eyebrow at him.

Roman’s face suggests the answer is obvious.

“Of course, where would be the fun otherwise?”

Logan snorts, shaking his head with amusement. Would he ever stop hanging out with people who use that phrase as a life motto?  But there was something that still bugged him.

“And you want me to be there?”

Roman gasps dramatically. Logan sighs mentally.  _Theatre kids._

“Oh but that’s not a question,” he says as he places a hand in his chest “No friend of mine or Remus is left out of celebratory dinners. Besides,” he leans over to give him a discrete wink, “Mum is making her famous pasta with ham and chicken. You can’t miss that for the world, dude.”

Friend…

Roman called him… a friend?

He looks at the moron next to him as he follows the team on their last minutes, and Logan allows himself to enjoy the idea of spending the night with the Sanders brothers and his best friend. His past self would hate how good he feels thinking about that.

Logan brings a mouthful of popcorn to his mouth, and when the whistle that announces the last goal of the match almost makes him spit it out, Roman does nothing to repress the roar of laughter,  and Logan doesn’t stop his own either.

  
  


* * *

  
  


** 3. **

  
  


November flies by faster than he’d expected. Before Logan realizes, they’re halfway through December, with the holidays looming over them. 

In that time, Roman and him grew considerably closer. Even if they didn’t talk about Roman’s soulmate, they still met on Wednesdays and Fridays at the  school’s library. Usually it was a lot of Logan studying for an exam and Roman memorising lines; Roman asking him to run said lines with him; Logan doing his homework and Roman telling him about his day; and much to his own surprise,  there was also a lot of Logan talking to Roman and the other comfortably listening to him with an attentive expression that only made him want to tell him more.

Being friends with Roman Sanders is something Logan would never have counted as a possibility. He’s had to change many of his pre-made concepts about him after receiving that much attention from the boy who was supposed to be his soulmate. 

Roman is dramatic, impossibly so. But nowadays, his eccentricities don’t annoy him like they used to. They’re similar to Dee’s odd behaviours, something Logan has learned to associate with them and enjoy as a part of his friends. He also pays attention to everything Logan has to say. When they go out with Remus and Dylan, Logan never has the feeling that he wasn’t supposed to be there, because Roman always makes him feel heard and needed. And for someone as  reclusive as Logan, it is a good change having someone wanting him to be the protagonist around.

Logan hasn’t had any new friend in years, so it feels weird having to start the process again, getting to know somebody from scratch and hoping they don’t ditch you in the first round. But Roman makes it seem  _so easy_ , getting him to open up with every conversation, encouraging him to share bits of Logan’s life in exchange for his own. With every easy smile and teasing banter, he seemed to lift Logan’s walls one by one, as if they were simple layers of clothing he could lift with one finger. It was liberating, and at the same time highly enjoyable. Except for the soulmate topic, which they never liked to talk about, Logan felt like he could tell Roman anything and it would be received with the same gentleness he’s been treated with.

But the subject came up between them again after Roman made him wait outside the cafeteria on a Friday afternoon, just before his club meeting. As soon as his friend comes out, Logan notices he has at least ten wrapped sandwiches and ten water bottles piled up in his arms.

“Hey Specks!” He smiles like a goof over the bottles. A strand of light brown hair falls on his eyes. “I didn’t think you would actually stay.”

“Roman are you planning on eating all of that by yourself with this or do you have a different motive for your impromptu school lunch hunt?”

He reaches out a hand to take the hair out of his face and Roman  thanks him with  a look of gratitude .

“As much as I’d love to have such a banquet for myself, I was actually planning on giving this to your Debate Club after your meeting.”

Logan stopped his walk abruptly to turn at Roman, still struggling to balance the food and drinks.

“What? Why?”

“Because Dylan will be there.” The grin of excitement is too bright. Roman looks like a puppy while he catches the sandwich that was about to fall of his improvised basket. “He’s the second one in the list.”

Oh, right. The list.

Logan remembers that Dylan asked to be included, just to play with Roman for a while.

“I like to make him get frustrated,” he said when Logan asked why he’d wanted to be included. “It’ll be highly entertaining, and technically my eyes _were_ blue for that night. We wouldn’t be _entirely_ cheating.”

At first he didn’t mind, but now that their relationship is different, Logan isn’t sure that’s a good idea. In spite of the great affection he has for Dee, he knows the sort of games his best friend could play.

Dylan isn’t a person of tact and subtlety. Not because he doesn’t know how, but because he chooses not to engage in such technicalities. According to his philosophy, they made human interaction more complicated than they should be.  And although Logan does share the thought that going straight to the point is always better than wrapping everything in a nice package, Dee’s methods can sometimes result in hurt feelings. He doesn’t want Roman to go through that, to get his heart broken for displaying their feelings so openly as he always does. If it were on him, Logan would tell him right of the bat that Dylan isn’t the one he’s looking for

But it’s not like he  _can_ say that, so...

“Are those tuna sandwiches?”

Roman looks amused as he frowns at him “I thought you hated those.”

“What gave you that impression?” Logan hides his smirk by walking faster. Roman doesn’t wait to rush beside him.

“I don’t know, the funny face you make when you eat them?”

Logan rolls his eyes and pushes Roman to the side.

“Make me the favour of keeping the pace. I don’t want to be late today.”

That was one of the last meetings of the debate club before Christmas break. They had agreed on making a fake debate for practise before going. The interesting part of this was that Logan had to partake in a discussion about  University Loans , with no one else than his very best friend.

Dylan  i s one of the best members of the club. Out of all the students Logan could have argued with, he  i s the only one that manage s to make him feel a certain unease. H e has an ability to  wrap the words around, making everything he said sound like it was an undeniable truth. It is hard to battle against his smug attitude, sometimes getting into his opponent’s mind to make  _them_ unsure of what they proposed.

But Logan knew his friend’s tricks. And he didn’t let himself be fooled as easily as the rest. He’d prepared his arguments, made all his flashcards and memorised it all forward and backwards. There was  _no way_ he would fail.

Roman sat in the front row of seats, sending thumbs up at Logan and a wave towards Dylan. When Logan caught his friend’s eyes as they stepped into the podium, the other wiggled his eyebrows at him. Logan just squinted his eyes as an answer. He wasn’t going to let that distract him.

And the debate began.

Dylan used his usual method, doing exactly what Logan had expected him to do. Second guessing all his contributions, attempting to make him doubt of all his opinions, and backfiring with his own prepared speech, typical Dee technique. But Logan isn’t affected at all by it. 

Debating was one of Logan’s favourite school activities. When he was on top of that podium, he felt untouchable. No one could tell him he was wrong, no matter how  strong they insisted on it. He felt like the world was at the tip of his fingers, passing his flashcards as quickly as he could, eyes rushing through the words at an impossible speed. No matter what his opponent said, Logan always felt like he could convince everyone in the room they were wrong.

At the end everyone clapped, out of respect to the both of them. It wasn’t clear who had won, so they decided to count it as a victory for both sides. Dylan shook his hand as soon as they met in the middle.

“As always is a pleasure to debate against you.”

“Agreed,” Dylan smiled. “It’s good to know someone here knows what he’s doing.”

Logan shook his head at the compliment and went to gather his stuff. As soon as everyone scattered, ready to call it a day and go away, Roman began to distribute the lunch he bought. Logan found himself smiling as he saw the dork congratulating everyone, even those who hadn’t done any real job that day.

“You got it, champ,” he said to one as he clapped his back.

But the smile broke when he noticed he was walking towards Dylan. His friend looked him up and down as he approached him, and although Logan couldn’t hear what Roman was saying, he felt the slow smile that crept onto Dee’s lips was a bad omen.

He kept putting his stuff inside his  bag . He shouldn’t care, he  _knows_ he shouldn’t. When he started making that list, he knew Roman hurting himself would be a possibility. He had evaluated all eventual outcomes and that had been within the calculated risks. 

Roman was a hopeless romantic. He opened himself to those he loved without thinking on the consequences. Now that he knew that much about him, it made sense that he’d asked Logan, a complete stranger, to help him find his soulmate. Because he was so desperate to give himself entirely to that mysterious guy that ran away from him that he didn’t mind chasing him. Not even if a vague memory and an old ring were the only lead to follow. Logan hated that he was so stupid. Roman’s lack of defences were going to make him crash against multiple walls before he either decided to close himself from the world or burnt down in his own pain.

Logan is distracted from his sour thoughts by something touching his arm. He turns slightly  and sees Roman, lopsided grin shining bright as he extends a sandwich and a bottle towards him. Logan takes it with a smile.

“You know? I thought debates were supposed to be this very boring thing where you guys just talked for hours about topics no one cared about.” They sit outside, leaving their bags aside as they try to eat. Logan never thought the stairs of the entrance would suit as good seats, but Roman always liked to teach him new things. “But woah… you were incredible there.”

“Incredible?” Logan snorts, unwrapping his sandwich. “Roman that was just a drill, it was far from being a serious discussion.”

“That was a drill?” Roman looks wide eyed at him, surprise taking over his features. Then he whistles, shaking his head at Logan. “Dude, remind me to never get in an argument with you, because if that wasn’t serious, then you would destroy me.”

“Oh it’s not like that,” he chuckles.

“The heck it is! Dee threw arguments like a mad man, but you? It was like you were being a ninja.” He moves his hands around like the ninjas from the movies, managing to make a piece of tuna fall to the floor. Roman talks with enthusiasm, speaking about Logan with the same astonishment he’s ever heard him talk about the awesome movements of his brother on the field. It sounded so much like a praise that Logan had the sudden urge to hide.“-and he tried to make you step back, but oh, you didn’t let him breathe before charging again! You even convinced me about what you were saying!”

“Well that’s the essence of the debate.” Logan drinks water to avoid showing the stupid grin that’s taking over his face.

B ut Roman looks at him  like he began talking in another language.

“Dude, you were on the negative side! I don’t even believe student loans should be a thing! I mean, I suppose some people can pay them and they could be in favour of that-”

“Oh no, those are terrible,” Logan says, putting the cap to the bottle again. “No one should have to pay for higher education, that’s a civil right.”

Roman’s mouth is agape.

“But you said-”

“Well yes, that was my position,” he says matter-of-factly, “Doesn’t mean I have to agree with what’s being said.”

“Wait, you’re telling me you argued about something you don’t even agree with, and you still crushed it?!”

Logan laughs.  He notices his face gets considerably hotter. Did he just  _blush_ ?

“I wouldn’t say I crushed it.” He looks down at his lap. Why does he feel so nervous? “Dylan was fairly good about it, he’s the leader of the club for a reason.”

“I don’t know.” Roman looks at his sandwich, as if he were considering to give it a bite or not. “I still think you won.”

Logan tries to bite down the smile that threatens to grow wider.

He doesn’t understand. Why is he acting this way? Usually he liked when people recognise his efforts, specially those who don’t belong to the group. It’s a sort of validation that makes his confidence grow stronger. But for some reason, just can’t take Roman’s compliments without feeling like he doesn’t deserve them, all while wishing for them to continue all the same. And the fact that his face feels like a red light doesn’t help at all...

And s peaking of Dylan…

“I saw you were talking to Dee-”

“Yeah, well he isn’t the one either,” Roman cuts him off before he can ask.

“Why do you say that?” 

“I didn’t remember any mark in the guy’s face,” Roman indicates, marking with his pinky finger where Dylan’s birth mark would be. “And also because although he did go dressed as royalty to the party, he didn’t know who King Edward was, so…” he finishes with a shrug.

“You didn’t tell me he went as King Edward.”

“Do you know who he is?” Roman asks. Fair to say he hides the surprise very well with a layer of amusement. Logan has to take another bit of the sandwich to keep himself from laughing.

“Maybe,” he says ominously while inspecting the food. “But then again, maybe I don’t.”

Roman’s eyes narrow as his smile widen s .

“Very well, Williams,” he nudged him with his shoulder. “If that’s what you want, you can keep your secrets.” Then he adds in a theatrical voice, “But rest assured I am going to unravel them one day.”

_Perhaps,_ Logan thought s as he pushes him away with an amused huff .  _But I’m not sure you will be happy to find them._

  
  


* * *

  
  


** 4. **

  
  


L ogan has a problem.

He doesn’t know why it happened, but that sure wasn’t on his initial plan. He has no idea how it happened. According to his calculations, it shouldn’t have happened, it was impossible. He can’t pinpoint  _when_ it began to happen either, or even where, but it’s the middle of December when he realises that, against all prognostic,  he starts to find Roman attractive .

He talks to Dylan about it, asking for an out, but his friend just shakes his head sadly and says…

“I thought something like this might happen.” His voice sounds sad, and it doesn’t help the clench Logan feels in his stomach. “I should have warned you sooner.”

And Logan agrees. He should have told him he was getting himself in a troubled maze he wouldn’t know how to get out. It was easy in the beginning, feigning ignorance and acting as if he didn’t know he was Roman’s soulmate. But now?

Now, he no longer groaned at the stupid jokes the theatre student made, but his eyes lingered in the curve of his goofy smile. Now he stopped trying to run from the one-sided hugs Roman liked to wrap him in. He melted into his taller shape instead, without any plan of escaping. Logan didn’t hide from his friend’s teasing looks, the ones he threw at him when he wanted to prove his point by acting silly and confrontational. No, Logan returned the looks, with a ferocity that held behind the apparent competition a wish of being the focus of those amber irises for another minute or so.

He was screwed.

Dylan told him the best would be to take some distance.

“Perhaps you’re just too engaged,” he said, “what with the list and all. Maybe a little break would be a good idea to clear your mind.”

And Logan tried his best to follow his advice. He asked his parents to go to their grandfather’s cabins in the mountains for Christmas break, inviting Dylan with them so he had something else to focus on rather than the epic fall he set himself for. And for some time, Logan thought it had worked. His attention had been so focused on their holiday activities, like going skiing with Dylan or buying presents with his family, that not even once in two weeks did the dork with an easy smile cross his mind.

But after New Year, when he had to come back, he knew that nothing had changed. And the fact that they were spending more time together wasn’t helpful either. They stopped waiting for Remus and Dee to meet up.  With the excuse of making him forget about school, Roman took him to all the places he considered Logan needed to know.

“You can’t be a friend of mine if you haven’t eaten here,” he sated when he took Logan to his favourite restaurant.

“I still can’t believe you’ve never seen it!” was his claim as he bought the tickets for a local theatre show.

“Boy, you need to know what a good view is,” he texted Logan while he told him all about this park on the other side of town.

And the worst part was that Logan loved it. He loved getting to see glimpses of Roman through his very eyes, making him wonder what caught his interest. He found himself absorbing every detail, satisfying his desire of knowing more and more and more. They texted every day, called each other almost every night, and Logan felt his heart fill with Roman whenever he heard a  _‘Hey Specks’_ on the other side of the line.

Reason why it almost broke his heart when he received that damned call.

“You need me to what?”

“To be my wingman!” Roman repeats. His voice sounds raspy from the other side. Given the late night hours, it was understandable.

“But you already have a date.” Logan represses his desire of throwing the desk lamp to the other corner of the room. “Why would you need a wingman for?”

“I don’t know? For emotional purposes?”

“Roman, what are you even talking about?”

There was a heavy sigh on the phone, followed by endless seconds of silence.

“Logan?”

“Uh-hmm?”

“Did you know that you are my first real friend?”

The pencil in his hand stops solving physics equations. 

“What-?”

“I had friends before,” Roman continues, and Logan takes it as a sign to shut up. “but none of them were really my friends. They were usually friends of Remus who had the obligation of being my friends too. But… none of them wanted to be my friends for me being, well, _me_.”

Logan moves the chair from the desk and goes to fall down on his bed. 

“That sounds unequivocally sad.”

“Yeah,” Roman chuckles. “But then you appeared. And, I know how this started, and that I practically forced you to hang with me-”

“Roman, you didn’t force me to do anything,” Logan cuts him off. “I mean, you were in fact rather insistent that I helped you to… find _him_ , but I kept being around you because I wanted.”

When he doesn’t hear an answer straight away, Logan wonders if there even is someone on the other side of the line. As usual, Roman proves him wrong.

“You’re only giving me more reasons to do this,” he says. “Logan, I trust you. More than I expected when I first met you. I don’t know why, but there’s something about you that makes me feel like if you asked me to jump off of a bridge I would do it without giving it a second thought.”

_Please don’t say those things…_

“So I know that in the list that you made is the guy that I’m supposed to love for the rest of my life.” Yes, that definitely isn’t the sound of Logan’s heart breaking. “And if I am right and this Josh Miller is the one… then I couldn’t hope for anyone better than you to share that special moment with.”

Logan feels his throat tightening, and he only can push three words past the asphyxiating knot.

“Okay. I’ll go.”

On the other side, Roman celebrates.

“Thank you so much! I’ll wait for you at the movies this Saturday at four. It’s a 3d, so come prepared for that. And don’t worry about the ticket, I already fixed that for you.” Logan rolls his eyes. Of course he has… “Thanks a lot, Specs.”

“No need to thank, Roman,” Logan smiles.

When he arrives to the cinema on Saturday, Roman is already there. He looks too adorable, Logan thinks, bouncing in his feet nervously with the tickets folded in his hands. He’s blowing air through his mouth while counting down, a relaxing technique Logan taught him. But when he lifts his gaze, his worry disappears to turn into a smile that lights up his expression.

“Hey! Who knew you had some nice clothes in that old wardrobe of yours?”

Logan chuckles while he puts his hands in the pockets of his black jeans. He thought that the light blue shirt might have been an overreaction, seeing that Roman was in a white t-shirt and a brown leather jacket, but by the way his friend eyed him up and down eased his nerves.

“Would you prefer me to go, Roman?” he said lifting an eyebrow. “Maybe you don’t need my assistance after all...”

“Don’t play those games with me,” Roman punches him lightly in the shoulder. “But seriously, thank you for coming, Logan.”

He shrugs. “I told you I’d help you to come to the end of it. Why would I back down in my promise?”

Roman shakes his head down at the floor, but Logan’s eyes follow the way he bits his lip to suppress the smile.

“Enough with the sweet stuff,” Roman laughs once he lifts his head again. “By the way, I can finally see your eyes! Between the hair in your face and the glasses I didn’t really know what colour they were.”

Logan huffs. “You’re picking up a lot on my appearance today. Is there anything that bothers you about my glasses?”

The tease in his tone is enough to tell Roman he doesn’t hold any grudge behind his words.

“Of course not, I love your nerdy look,” his friend says. “But why did you take them off?”

“Don’t you remember this is a 3D movie?” Logan lifts an eyebrow. Roman nods, but he still doesn’t seem to understand. “I want to be able to _see_ , Roman.”

He seems to catch it, his mouth silently letting an ‘Ohhh’ out.

“Right. Yeah, well… that, that makes sense.”

It makes Logan too self-aware that Roman’s eyes don’t leave his face for the next couple seconds.

He clears his throat, looking away to avoid getting an obvious blush.

“So, is Josh inside or…?”

Roman shakes his head, looking towards the street as he chews nervously on his lip.

“I’m sure he’ll come soon. I told him to come in five mins from now.” He looks at the clock in his wrist. “Is… is it too much trouble if I ask you to wait over there? I know I said I wanted you here but, uh, I don’t wanna seem like I asked for support.”

Logan rolls his eyes. Such a dork…

“Of course not,” he winks an eye at him while walking away. “We don’t want him to know you needed backup.”

Roman shows him the finger before staring down the street. Logan lays on the wall, covered under the small roof the cinema offered as shelter. He sees Roman sit down on the  pavement , his leg bouncing  with expectation.

At first the wait is  atrocious. Logan plans what he’s gonna do to  keep up with the happy couple without Josh finding out he’s there. He decides he’s going to wait for them to get in, then wait five minutes more before entering – not for longer, or he would lose them and that would be bad. He’s going to hand in the ticket...

Wait. He doesn’t have the ticket.

Okay, before going in he’ll try to make Roman come out to give him the ticket. He surely can do it without telling Josh what he’s doing. They’ll be discrete, quick as the wind. He won’t notice.

Then he’ll sit a couple of seats behind, just to make sure he can see if things go wrong or if, luckily for his friend, things go beyond success.

There’s still a thought circling his mind, tying it like a noose and keeping him from thinking on anything else. The problem with the list he confectioned was that it was deeply flawed. Not one of those guys had the possibility of being the guy Roman was looking for. The trust his friend put on that simple piece of paper was  overwhelming. 

But, if they were lucky enough, perhaps Josh didn’t care about soulmates. Perhaps he did fall in love with Roman, and all of this would be soon forgotten. Roman would soon forget him. Because once he gets what he thinks is what he wants, Logan is sure Roman will discard him. All this time he’s been alone, it makes sense that he holds onto him like a lifeline. But once he finds someone to hold his hand, Roman will be free.

Free of discovering the disappointing truth Logan has been keeping down since October 31 st .

The minutes pass. Logan has refreshed his Twitter feed four times already and there’s still not any trace of Josh. People have come in and out of the cinema, asking Logan if the movie had already started. He’s positive the one he was going to attend already has. He wonders how much Roman will wait before realising he’s not coming.

Logan’s phone clock strikes six when he goes to sit  next to him . His leg has stopped bouncing, but he joined his hands in a fist under his mouth. Logan’s heart skips a sad beat when he notices the track of tears on both cheeks.

Roman smiles into his hands when he notices his presence.

The sun is setting down in the horizon. Roman’s eyes are intently focussed on the ball of fire that’s seeking refuge in the city before them.

“It’s beautiful, right?” he muses. Logan can’t disagree with him.

The sunsets were one of his favourite new experiences after seeing colours. Now that he could see  all the hues, it was a sight he would never forget. All the hues mixing together, fusing into colours Logan doesn’t know if he’s already learned and forgotten or if they’re completely new tonalities he has just discovered. Now that he had them, Logan couldn’t imagine living in a world where he couldn’t see colours.

Not the colours Roman gave him.

“Yes,” he speaks lowly, his words only meant for Roman to hear. “It does make up for an admirable sight.”

The rumble of a passing car drowns Roman’s chuckle.

“I thought you didn’t see colours.”

“I never confirmed that,” Logan smiles at him. “You just jumped to a conclusion.”

Roman nods, trying to return the gesture. But the grin soon turns into a frown, and there’s nothing Logan can do to send it far away.

“I’m sorry.” He shakes his head, and wavy locks of hair brush his creased forehead. “This was a waste of time.”

“It wasn’t,” he denies, placing a hand in his shoulder for comfort.

Roman looks up, blinking a few times to take the tears out of his eyes.

“I just don’t understand. Did I do something wrong? I mean, I understand that he wasn’t the one I was looking for, but why…?” A sob cuts his words mid-sentence. Logan tells him to breathe before continuing. “Sorry. I’m crying my pathetic ass here and I dragged you into this mess with me.” His jaw clenches, and the anger he feels for himself is clear in his eyes. “Oh God, I’m so stupid… How could I think this was going to work.”

“No, Roman don’t say that.” Logan moves closer with the pretext of extending his arm to rub his back. “You’re not stupid. You’re just… in love.”

“Uh-hm… apparently that wasn’t enough for _him_ ,” he cries.

“But that’s not your fault. It the fault of the asshole of your soulmate.” Roman laughs, but he doesn’t understand how much he means those words. “Roman, you expel life wherever you go, passing it down to the people you love and those who surround you. You let your heart in the open and offer it to the world, but that doesn’t make you stupid. It makes you brave.”

“Brave? For letting myself be hurt?” he asks sardonically.

_No, for doing what I can’t._

“No. For forgiving those in the past and standing up to start again,” he says instead. “But I understand. After all, we’re teenagers. We seek the suffering like moths seek the light of a lamp. We’re attracted to pain because it’s the strongest feeling we’ll ever experience, and in this moment of life, even if we do it unconsciously, that’s what we expect the most. Feeling.”

And he would know.

Even although he knew it would explode in his face, even if he considered the possibility of being hurt in the process, forgotten, discarded, wounded? He still tried to set his soulmate with someone else, and hope he could keep living with that.

Now he realises that that had been the most stupid decision he’s ever made in his life.

But Roman  shakes his head with gentleness.

“No, Teach,” he says, and his eyes shine with the knowledge of someone who’s got his heart broken many times before. “It’s not the pain, but what comes after that. The pain only makes the wait worth it.”

He looks down at his hands, and Logan sees what he’s been holding inside. The ring, Logan’s family ring, is rolling between his palms.

“I don’t regret seeing colours, you know?” he says. “It’s one of the best wonders of this world. But after this, after knowing that not even your list saved me of this… Gosh,” he exhales. He turns around to look at Logan, and there’s so much love in his gaze that he barely gets to maintain it. “I wish I could see colours for someone like you.”

Logan stares at him. At his amber eyes, lovingly staring at him. At his golden skin, shining in the sunset light. At his soft brown hair, still covering his forehead.

“Believe me, Roman. If it were for me, I’d give you all the colours of the world.”

Roman’s cheeks brighten in red as he looks down at his hands again. But as he stares at them, his smile begins to fade.

“Hang on a second...” He looks at Logan again, but this time he doesn’t see the same light in them. “Your list...”

“What happened with it?” he asks nervously.

Roman shakes his head. “ _You_ made it. And you, you told me one of them would be him, that it would be the guy from the party. But none of them were him.”

Logan feels the blood drain from his face. Roman stands up, and Logan imitates him, but only because he feels that if he doesn’t move he might as well faint.

“Roman-”

“You lied,” he says, taking a step back from him. “You knew they weren’t my soulmate.”

“I swear I can explain it.” Logan takes a step forward, but Roman takes one back.

“You did it in purpose.”

“It’s not what you think.”

Roman shakes his head. “I… I have to go.”

He turns around and runs, and Logan feels like his world falls down.

  
  


* * *

  
  


** +1 ** .

  
  


Logan cries. He cries a lot. He cries all his worries and wasted feeling in Dylan’s arms, until he has no more energy inside him to do so.

He knew it would be dangerous, he knew it was bad, but he’d never expected to see that look on Roman’s eyes. After seeing him run away, from  _ him _ , to make things worse, Logan only wants to take all the last months back, back to when he was only a foolish boy who hated the very idea of soulmates.

For days, Logan goes to sleep wishing he’d never seen colours to begin with.

When he receives the text from Roman asking him to come to the  school  field, just behind the benches,  his entire body began to shake .  As he walks,  Logan hears his scared steps muffled by the grass. When he reaches Roman’s turned shape, he comes to a stop, breathing deeply before calling his attention.

“You wanted to see me?” he says.

Roman nods.  He takes his time to face him, playing around with his fingers and avoiding to look at him. Logan feels the desire to run, but he screws his feet to the ground. He couldn¿t run away. Not anymore.

“At first I didn’t know if I could trust my judgement, you know?” Roman says. He takes two steps closer, and Logan wants to die in the spot.

He sighs.  “If you called me to humiliate me.”

“Please Logan, don’t jump to conclusions and hear me out, alright?”

Only the fact that he’s so confused by Roman’s smile makes him shut his mouth.

“At first, I thought it couldn’t be, because you’ve been trying so hard to help me out that I couldn’t believe you had created the list with the purpose of not reaching an end.”

Logan does as he’d been asked and doesn’t speak. But hell if he doesn’t want to excuse himself and run.

“I tried thinking about it for days,” Roman says, taking the hand of a perplexed Logan in between his. “But I came to the conclusion, that I only had to see things from another angle.”

Logan feels the cold of a metal touch his hand. As he looks down, he sees his ring, the one he lost last Halloween, resting in his palm.

He frowns up at Roman, who only smiles wider at him.

“I should have guessed that the hair pulled back would look good on you.”

Logan sighed in a mix of relief and astonishment.

“You figured it out.”

“It took me a while,” he admits. “But after that day, seeing you without your glasses and hearing you say those words… Logan I had fallen in love with you without realizing before, and I chastised myself thinking I wasn’t being loyal to the one destiny promised me. What I didn’t realised was… that I had already find him.”

Logan can’t help the smile that stretches in his lips.

“What I can’t understand,” Roman confesses, looking at the interlaced fingers, “is why you ran?”

“I was scared,” he admits.

“Of what?”

“Of you,” Logan reiterates. “Deciding I… wasn’t going to be a good fit. We’re so different, I thought you would want a better person to be beside you. Someone who was more like the type of people you would date. Not someone like me. I did all the list matter because I hoped you would find someone better, but…”

He averts his eyes from Roman’s, but a hand makes his chin go up to find an endearing gaze focused solely on him.

“Logan, you picked me up when I couldn’t even see my pieces. You’ve made me company in a world where I felt like the replacement of someone else. You gave me the gift of colours,” he finishes, pressing his forehead with Logan’s so the only thing he can focus on is the amber of his gaze. “I couldn’t care less about our differences, I wouldn’t give what we built together for the world.”

Logan’s gaze clouds, but he blinks the tears away instantly. He doesn’t want anything to impede him from staring at Roman’s lovely eyes.

“So, if you want to take it, I’d love to have what I was looking for in that party, all those months ago.”  
Logan laughs, but he still grabs Roman by the jacket to bring their lips together. Even in the kiss, he can still find the other boy’s grin as he wraps his arms around Logan’s back.

Roman taught him many things, torn down many of his beliefs. But the most valuable lesson Logan has learned, the one he would refuse to let go from now on, is that he and Dylan had been wrong all along. It wasn’t the pain what made teenagers seek the risk. It was this, exactly this. Everything that came after.

And Logan would do it all over again, if it meant he would end up here.

  
  


  
  



End file.
